You're not even here, and I wish I wasn't

I should have gone with my gut and brought out the stuff to paint, but as I said, I'm too emotionally defeated to care right now. I'm not sure how you'll get a hold of me tomorrow as I'm barely even thinking about sleeping now...I guess. Maybe use google to call? at least to wake me up. 

I'm sorry I'm so useless. I'll take the first job I get, but I suppose that would require me applying again. I guess I'll go back to that. I suck as a house wife anyways. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have done more. i would cancel the photographer but people already expecting the photos. Like an idiot, I got a dress and everything. Stupid, I know. 

You are going to be tired anyways, partying and jet lag. I'm sorry this is such a shitty home coming. I'd stay with your boys if I were you....

You deserve better. You deserve an idiot like Kristi. Someone who keeps their mouth shut, or at the very least at least doesn't bother her husband with her stupid opinion. 

I should delete this, or at least not send it. I guess it will go on the blog with all the other idiotic moments I have. Fuck my life. Why should you change, at least you have a job. I can't even get that. Who the fuck am I to tell you or anyone what to do. I should just be a child care provider, shut the fuck up, sit in a corner and color. 

All over a god damn email. worse, a text. from someone i don't even like. awesome. she wins without even trying. Not her fault. my fault for having a know it all opinion. Well, I don't know shit. 

i'm just sorry you're stuck with me. its 2:29 and I wish I could drink but that would be worse right? I've worked 6 months on not smoking or drinking, and I'm ready to throw it all away. I'll get over it. I always do.