What I didn't say....

What I said: I love you.
What I was thinking:  Below.
How I feel: Better now that I wrote it out.
The end result: nothing will change. I'll send your fathers day cards to you, and another letter thanking you for all you are to me, and how proud I am...Life will resume. I'll call for fudel tomorrow. I'll proceed on living my life as YOUR wife. Because if I don't. well then what are we? I don't want to talk about it. Period.

I need a effing thank you. A simple acknowledgement that while I am not working, I am probably having an equally hard time. My refrigerator is empty, because I wait on paydays. My House is effing ridiculous, because shit is breaking down all around me. I can't do laundry and take less thank 5 minute showers because the water is fucked. The dog is going through his phases, and you are NOT here to help. NO ONE HERE gives a shit. I'm away from anyone that does. So a little courtesy...If I wanted to be single and do it all by my fucking self, I would have chosen that life, but I wanted a PARTNER. somone to share life and all its burdens with.  But I keep that shit to a minimum, and think how can I make your day a little beter. What can I send to make life a little nicer. and I'm told you have too much shit, you don't like the shit, etc etc. My instant reaction is Fuck it. Next time I won't send shit. My instant reaction is fuck, why even send a card. If its so much extra shit, FUCK it. Why bother being a wife. I'll save myself the heartache of going to the fucking mailbox each month realizing nothing I can send in a flat rate box matters. 

You ask what MORE you can do. You can say thank you and mean it. Not the obligation. 

I need a small, "thank you, baby, I know its rough" -a-  "I know babe, and the office is loving the stuff I don't use",-a-  "can I just remind you, that I love you for all your do..." 

NOT a defensive "I am appreciative"

Think outside of you. Think of what I need. Think of what your parents need. Think of what the people who spend the time money and effort to make you smile may need. 

I don't want to talk to you right now. I am beyond pissed and hurt at how you can't come up with a way to hold your arm out while you hold a box with the other arm is so difficult.  I manage to send you PLENTY of pictures of me from my cell phone doing just that....and all I asked for was ONE. 

So maybe I should say thank you. Thank you for making all my effort on you seem worthless. From this point on "Fuck it" -the house can fall apart, the tickets for the wedding can come whenever, the water can run out. FUCK IT ALL, if none of it matters.